yo all, welcome to my world!

Wow… went to email one person, and somehow, two got emailed instead. That was just weird! I am only running on about two, or three hours of sleep, so that may be why. Glaucoma has been keeping me up, and yes I admit it, and I know I am gonna get in trouble for this, *winks* I have been way to nervous to sleep. So, I emailed one of my friends, and explained what’s up, now how to explain just what happened to the other one with out him thinking I am a weirdo? Hmmm. Lack of sleep + PC, = a really bad disaster! *hides.*

okay, what’s the big deal, with mails and fee mails being friends? Someone keeps accusing me of dating someone just because we are talking, just because we are friends. I don’t get it! what’s the big deal? This person even went as far to say, “I can bring up past tweets where you said you were dating him.” It just infuriates me, because I have been accused of this time and time again, and I am sick of it! mails and fee mails can be friends, you can be friends with a guy/girl, and not have feelings for him/her. If you couldn’t, then I would have more then one boyfriend at this point. It infuriates me, because I would never date more then one person, but yet every time I make a mail friend I am accused of dating them by this one person. And yes, this has been building for awhile, and sometimes I let things build up, till I just lose it entirely, and then I am so far from a peacemaker, it’s unreal. Anyway, enough venting, I need sleep.

Man, what a day! Woke up this morning around 6, got ready for a friend to come over to shoot the video with a digital camera recorder, we could have just burned it to DVD this way, got all ready, only to have her not be able to make it till like one in the afternoon. So we decided not to do it this way, mom made some calls, and my other video that is done will be transferred to DVD, my brother will go in the morning, and pick it up, bring it to the house, mom will get it ready and take it to the post office and it’s a waiting game. I honestly think this is my heartsong. I am not sure if Mattie Stepanek would actually classify this as a heartsong, but I believe that helping the MDA is my heartsong. I’m tired, because I didn’t sleep that well last night as it is, so I may crash really early tonight, but man, this is worth it to me.

I just found a great support group for people with disabilities. Well, actually, I did not find it on my own, I was referred to it. klango is wonderful to don’t get me wrong, but this group felt welcoming from the very start. I had trouble with jaws, and the owner of the group was kind enough, to ask others for help. If you want to see this group, the address is:
http://www.disabilityresourceexchange.com/
I’m glad I am in this group, as well as klango. Now one won’t have to take the weight of my frustration all the time. *smiles.* going to go and try, key word here, *try!* to get some sleep.

Well all, it looks like I am switching internet providers. Not only has the support gone downhill, but they are putting a time limit I can be online, unless mom and I pay more for the unlimited plan. bad thing is, we were not informed, until I was trying to download something. that’s what ticked me off the most, no one informed us of the change. We already paid for next month, however I think we are switching to another service. We heard about a place, that will provide us with a wireless internet plan, and we will only have to pay 29 bucks a month. So yes, if I can get wireless here, I will do so. However, I may have to hold off on the voice recorder, because we need a router, but in my opinion, this has to be done. We pay 30 bucks now for dialup, and like mom told me, “it’s just not going to work.” That’s why I kept getting cut off while downloading a pod cast. I’m only getting a limited amount of minutes before I get cut offline. I can reconnect, but I still get cut back offline after awhile. I have to hang in there next month, because we already made the payment, but after that we are checking on wireless internet. Not promising that it’ll be able to work here, but at any rate, we have to switch providers, we have no choice now. if wireless does work, I assure you all that I am not going to miss dialup at all! So many limitations, so many things that I couldn’t do, and while wireless is not DSL, and while I may not be able to use skype, I can be online and not worry about tying up the phone line. Mom and I can be online at the same time, and who knows? We may be able to talk to each other on MSN. Strange? Maybe, but what can I say? I am strange *smiles.* so, I don’t think I will be with meer net any longer.

I was thinking that maybe it would be a good idea to leave some of these other groups I am in. of course I don’t mean Jacques’s place, or advice center, or the other two groups I am active in, Mattie’s messengers, and Afrikaans made easy. I mean the ones like Miranda, and the klango world. It’s not because I am mad at anyone, that’s not it. I’m just not as active in those groups, and honestly I don’t have the time. Again the groups I am active in are not on my list, but the ones I am just sitting in, the ones I have been neglecting has to go at least for awhile. So, I am strongly thinking of doing this to make it easier. Thoughts, please?

Well all, I did the video. Still a bit nervous, but not as bad as I was. We got at the designated place at around fourish, and after my friend had to tell me to relax and not stand as stiff, and after we got things set up, the shooting started. My voice felt a little rough afterwards, but I think I did okay. We shot it from waste up, because if we were to do a full shot she would have to stand and hold the camera up, and I felt that it was a bit to straining for her arms to hold it like that. My friend and dad watched a little of it, and I kept asking “do I look okay? Does my lips look weird?” (they are a bit chapped.) and my friend goes, “honestly cat, calm down, you look fine, I promise.” I am still nervous about it though, and made mom promise me she would view the DVD when it’s done, because I want to make sure it looks good enough. Okay yeah, people are going to be like, “you worry to much.” I admit it I do, so not going to get mad if someone says it, but I don’t want to look strange. I wore sun glasses, because my eyes look a bit different because of my glaucoma, they can sometimes look swollen or even white, so I wore glasses. They served another purpose, the sun was still up so it was a bit bright, and my eyes are sensitive to bright lights. Anyhow, the video is done, and I think I did okay. I’ll keep you all updated as much as I can, if I don’t forget to do so lol.

Here goes.
Well all, tomorrow is the big day. I am doing the audition video for the MDA Telethon. Nervous, is not powerful enough to explain just how I feel right now. I’m not quite sure how to handle this actually. It’s a big step. I have sang around churches Etc, but never have I done something this big before. Last time I was on TV, I didn’t even know I was being filmed, until my aunt told me afterwards. Now, however I am well aware of the camera, and who will view it. I am also well a where, if I make it I have to travel, and perform in front of even more people. Okay, some of you are thinking, then don’t do it. have you ever had things in your life that you have to do? It’s so strong, you feel so strongly about it, that you have to do something to help? If so, then you know just what I mean. It’s to the point where I can’t just shrug it off and not do it, just because I am a little scared or nervous. It’s to the point where, if I do back out I will be regretting it for the rest of my life. So, even though I am nervous, that doesn’t mean I am not doing it.

Only a few minutes left, and I’ll be 23. I am torn really. I can’t believe I am almost another year older. I love the fact I am old enough to do things like have my own PC, but yet I want to hold the past year in the palm of my hand and study it, learn from all I have experienced. Mattie Stepanek used to say “the past is for learning from, not dwelling in. yes, I need to work on that a lot, and I am hoping I can. I am hoping I can learn more this year, I hope being 23 is as fun as being 22 was. There will be more blog posts I hope, and I will hopefully make more friends this year. I already made great friends in 2009, and I hope I can keep them forever and always.

I hate writers block!
I am trying to write a book review for MRS Stepanek’s new book, however I am stuck. I can’t get it worded just right. I want to get my point across, because this book is powerful, however I can’t get it across at all! Is it that I am trying to hard? Or do I really have writers block? I have no Idea, but I know this, it’s driving me crazy! Not only that, but I am not able to write a poem, and that scares me even more, because the last poem I wrote was about 2 or so months ago. Even then it wasn’t that good. I used to write poetry daily, but now nothing is happening. I am really concerned now. what is happening to me?